Being Drawn into God's Will (pun intended)

In high school I took an art class. I've always wanted to draw people. Capture the essence of who a person is with just the right countours and just the right shading. Unfortunately, drawing people is not my strong suit. At least not people that actually exist yet. I tried to draw a replica of my favorite picture of me and my dad, and, well... I looked like a gnome and he resembled a mutant biological child of Jack Nicholson and Frank Sutton. Oops.

I have, however, found my place in drawing landscapes. A year ago I drew a picture of one of my two favorite places in the whole world. I was so amazed at my abilities to draw. It's not stunning or anything, but it's pretty dang good, especially given that I hadn't drawn anything since Freshman year of high school.

This summer I began another drawing project. Same place, entirely different perspective. This perspective is so difficult for me. I can't quite understand the angles and the way they connect. You never know how complicated these things are until you are challenged to represent them on paper. Sometimes I just stare at the landscape, confused at how what I am seeing is possible in reality.

I sat for two hours today trying to capture the wooden boardwalk. The angles on my paper are all wrong. The gazebo also made quite an optical illusion. On one side it looks correct, as if it could really exist. On the other side, it collapses into itself making a sort of optical illusion.

Sometimes as I've worked on this (and other pieces of artwork or crafts) I've been tempted to scrap it. It won't look the way it's supposed to look, so why keep going?

You know what I realized today? If people wanted artwork to look just like the thing it's representing, they would take a photograph. The appeal of a drawing is the fact that it's made by a creator's hands and that it has it's very real, very human flaws.

Man, this has been a really freeing thought for me with my mind as of late. I'm so confused with life. I keep looking towards these different versions of what my life could be and I don't know which one is right or if God has a "best life" for me that I shouldn't deviate from or if I have freedom to choose, or if certain lives would bring more glory to God than others (given that the constant is that I love God and love people among all circumstances).

I've forgotten that there is freedom in Christ and truly I've felt like I'm in a prison and that all these questions are leading me from a crappy prison to an unbearable solitary confinement. But today as I spent two hours adding finer details to a picture that kinda sorta represents the real thing, I had a bit of rest.


My life is a representation of Christ's. I am not Jesus and I was not created for my uniqueness and individuality to be stripped away so that Jesus could be superimposed onto a blank slate. I've been created with my peculiarities (and plenty of them, trust me) for the purpose of being *like* Jesus so that my life may point to Jesus.

The fact is, when I look at reality I can't see it all at once. I see sharp angles and smooth curves and sometimes I am baffled by the heck the two come together to form a structure. I don't see the way the pieces of my life fit together. Maybe in my life as I move forward I put a line where it doesn't exist, or I confuse the lines so that part of a building collapses inward on itself. But truly, if I am supposed to be Jesus Himself, God would have gone about this creative process differently.

In making me unique and allowing me to have (often conflicting) passions, and allowing me to take my own steps and make my own choices, my life won't be identical. But whatever shape my life takes, it will bring glory to God.

Man, this picture is rough. In terms of what it's supposed to look like, I mean, I can basically see it. Especially looking at them juxtaposed. But it's taken its own shape and it is beautiful. And it still points to me, its creator. Just as my life, whatever shape it takes, points to my Creator in a beautiful way.

God, thank you for the freedom we take for granted. Help us not to be so afraid that we're going to mess up what is supposed to be. So long as we are the paper under your hands, we'll be fine. Help us not to freeze in fear and trade freedom for a prison that we falsely believe is glorifying to you. Thank you for crafting our lives so beautifully and using the smears, smudges, and jutting angles to make a whole that is beautiful and pleasing to you and is what the world needs to see. In Jesus' name, Amen.