Even as I am fully known.

For those who don't know, I am on summer break. It's my last official summer break before graduating college and entering the "real world" (Didn't people say that began after high school? Or is it marriage? Or parenthood?). This being the case I decided not to work this summer. For the most part I've been enjoying it. But there are those days that move a little too slowly.

I almost did one of those surveys in a note on facebook. You guys remember those from myspace days, right? Instead of doing one of those surveys I pondered why they are so addictive. In all practical terms, there should be nothing entertaining about them. It's not like a puzzle or a mind-challenge. We already know all the answers because it's about us.

Sure it could be "just passing time", but we could be facebook stalking any number of fascinating friends we've forgotten about, or chatting on facebook chat, or even hitting refresh over and over to see new statuses to comment on. On my boredest days, I'll admit to having done all three.

But the surveys hold their own particular allure. I think we like the surveys not because the questions will surprise us, but because we hope our answers will surprise and intrigue someone else. Anyone else. Or if you happen to have a crush on someone, perhaps a specific someone else.

It's the idea of being known fully. In social psychology we talked about how we make judgements of others and briefly talked about our awareness of others judging us in the same ways. We know that the majority of people around us have a one-dimensional understanding of who we are. I think we disclose things about ourselves in attempt to break that one-dimensional image.

I was homeschooled up until high school. That first year and a half was spent relearning the art of conversation. I didn't know how to have a casual conversation, so I avoided conversation altogether. But I also had so many thoughts and ideas that I didn't have the words to express or that weren't appropriate for casual high school conversation. When I decided to get my nose pierced, there were two reasons. One: I loved the way they looked. Two: To show people they don't know me. To do something that their one-dimensional representations of me were incapable of doing in hopes that they would want to deepen their understanding of me by getting to know me.

It's ironic really, because as much as we want to be known, we cling to anonymity. Even now the idea of sharing this blog with people I know is causing some hesitancy. But ultimately what I think drives a lot of our minds as social entities is the idea of being known fully and knowing someone else fully.

In the life of faith we learn to share this sort of existence with God. At times I'm really bitter about that. God already knows me fully and I won't be able to fully know Him in this lifetime. Sometimes that's exciting. Sometimes it's scary. Other times it's just annoying.

I found wisdom in a quote somewhere that said "Know God, know yourself". I don't know the intent of the original speaker and what he/she was trying to imply. But when I read it, I fell in love with this idea: We cannot know ourselves fully until we know who God is in Himself, in this world and in us. I think there's a vice versa dynamic there, but that's another topic for another time.

In 1 Corinthians 13, Paul talks about spiritual gifts. Spiritual gifts are given individually and specifically to each one of us. To deny the reality of a gift one has been given is to deny an essential part of the whole self. But these gifts are here to know God as fully as we can know Him on this earth. Paul says, "For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known."

James backs this up by saying, "Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like."

The word (in both the sense of scripture and of the wholeness of Jesus) shows us ourselves. When we know the word, when we know Jesus, we learn how to see ourselves accurately. To act in a way that denies God and denies us of our true selves is to forget what we look like, to forget our identity.

My mind is constantly blown by the fact that Jesus is God. Not just God's son, but God. It blows me away. So many times have I been like Philip in John 14 and prayed, "Lord, show us the Father and that will be enough for us." And Jesus' answer still holds shock value for me. He replied, "Don’t you know me, Philip, even after I have been among you such a long time? Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, ‘Show us the Father’? Don’t you believe that I am in the Father, and that the Father is in me? The words I say to you I do not speak on my own authority. Rather, it is the Father, living in me, who is doing his work."

I love that knowing Jesus means knowing God and knowing myself, because "On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you. Whoever has my commands and keeps them is the one who loves me. The one who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love them and show myself to them."

In the time I have now, in the present, I desire to know God as fully as I can and to know myself as fully as I can. The more those things are happening, I think the more we'll desire to know others as fully as we can too. That's when the Body works as a whole. Lord, hasten that day!

Then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.