Man vs. Wild (the philosophical question)

For the past three years I have made my home in Chicago. It started with an inner-city mission program (www.missionyear.org) and it has continued with school. I have learned so many things about God's heart for the oppressed and I have gained a passion for social justice. I have learned many lessons that I honestly don't yet know how to integrate into my life and faith. But after three years in Chicago and with one year remaining before I graduate, man... I can't wait to get out of the city.

I like Chicago mostly because of its people. I don't like it because of the stereotypical Chicago-y things. I detest downtown because of everything it stands for in the face of poverty and suffering. It reminds me of many flaws that our country has in terms of our lust for wealth and independence rather than our passion for justice and interdependence. It sickens me. I like going downtown because I can be anonymous. But anonymity is nothing worth striving for since it doesn't exist in the Kingdom of God.

Several months ago I realized how much I had been daydreaming about leaving the Chi. I don't believe God expressly desires me to stay, so I took gladly took that as permission to fantasize about doing some neo-monastic trek in the wilderness as I silently seek God through viewing His creation and dwelling on His heart. This idea has always appealed to me. Simplicity, quiet, nature, and separation from the worldly ways that ensnare me.

One day I was griping to God about my itch to leave. Not in [much] frustration, but more in a broken, I-feel-like-my-organs-are-all-compressed-together-as-I-fervently-pray sorta way. I told Him something to this effect, "Jesus, you know how I connect to you through nature. You yourself gave lessons from nature. I want to look at the birds of the air and the flowers of the field and learn from them!"

I felt oh-so-Biblical using Matthew 6 against Jesus. How could He deny me that? That was dang good! Until He reminded me of this: "Are you [plural/humankind] not much more valuable than they?" I was so convicted. Even moreso when He probed with the following question, "Why do you not see me in and among the people I've created in my image?"

All of the ideal naturey images I pictured had this feature in common: solitude. Yes, I believe there are seasons for solitude, but that is as God determines, and that night I felt so clearly that my place for this season is in Chicago and that when I feel drained and when I feel like I'm in a "concrete prison" (as I so emphatically described Chicago to my class one day), I need to not wistfully think of where I would choose to be placed, like among nature. I need to realize that people are made in God's image and that being in a city is the ideal place to learn the weight of that, especially since God has deemed it good for me to be there right now. So convicting, but it gives me the push I need to continue through this last year in Chicago.

Just a few weeks ago now I had another, seemingly contradictory revelation. I was driving to my grandparents' house (4 hour drive) and talking to God. I love long drives and I love praying aloud. As I did, I was again dwelling on this drive towards nature that I feel so very often. Why do I feel God so strongly in nature and why does my faith and desire for God feel so draining and cloudy in humanity?

I thought about the verse in Romans that talks about how all of creation groans expectantly awaiting the return of Christ, the fulfillment of all things (my paraphrase). It hit me so hard. I feel God in nature more because the yearning for the return of God, for the fulfillment of the Kingdom, a new heavens and a new earth, is unrestrained, unhindered, and unapologetic.

Humankind does groan. We see etchings of it on the faces of those around us. Creases in the forehead that ask, "When?" in quiet exasperation. Increasing murder and crime rates reflect the restlessness in humanity. We can see evidences. But they are hidden. They are restrained, hindered, and apologetic. I feel at home in nature because among nature I can cry out for God, and I can tangibly feel, not necessarily His presence always, but invariably I can feel the depth of my yearning and need for Him.

Nature doesn't try to silence it. Humanity covers it up with noise and busyness. Why do people care about advancing the social ladder and collecting wealth? We all know these things don't follow us in the grave. Why do we strive so hard? Because it distracts us from the yearning we feel. It creates noise that disguises our groans. We are so afraid of it.

If we embraced that yearning as though everything depending on our recognition of our need for God, I am certain this world would be different. At least the Church would be. Maybe we'd face more persecution, maybe our Church membership would dwindle, maybe it would skyrocket. All I know is that the Church, we as individuals and as a Body need to have a mindset that recognizes the absolute, unshakeable truth of the future fulfillment of all things and the dependency that creates in us on earth (in terms of dependency on God and interdependency with one another).

I'm going to end this by quoting some scripture that focuses on how our anticipation of the fulfillment of the promises is supposed to affect our lives. I'm tempted to write what implications I believe they hold for us. But I encourage you guys to pray over these scriptures and ask God not just for the general implications (which is what I would write about), but also about the implications they hold for your specific life.

Hebrews 13:14 "For here we do not have an enduring city, but we are looking for the city that is to come."

Hebrews 11:16 "Instead, they were longing for a better country—a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them."

Hebrews 9:28 "So Christ was sacrificed once to take away the sins of many; and he will appear a second time, not to bear sin, but to bring salvation to those who are waiting for him" (Question: is "waiting" in this sense active or passive and how so?)

Titus 2:11-14 "For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope—the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good."

2 Corinthians 5:1-10 (look it up yourselves - it's longer)

Philippians 3:20 "But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ"

Galatians 5:5 "For through the Spirit we eagerly await by faith the righteousness for which we hope."

1 Corinthians 1:7 "Therefore you do not lack any spiritual gift as you eagerly wait for our Lord Jesus Christ to be revealed."